DICTIONARY FOR ARGUING WITH WOMEN


1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they
are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you
should shut up. (NEVER use "Fine" to describe how she looks. This will
cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game
is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the
result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a
"Five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want
because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a
few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in
about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very
frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a
complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing."

 7. "Soft Sigh"
 Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few
 things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily
 content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the
 moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"
This word-followed by any statement-is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get
that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If
she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She
will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out
the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days.

9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a
man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding
what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used
with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead."
Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come
up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself
into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks"
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning.
Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot"
Dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot"
when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud
Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not
to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing.